For those who don't know, I have recently returned to good old SUNY New Paltz in hopes of becoming a high school English teacher. I've been taking English classes but haven't applied to the School of Education yet. I needed to take some classes and raise my GPA because it just wasn't up to snuff. I am applying at the end of the month and just recently finished the obligatory essay. I am slightly embarrassed to post it on here, but am reassured knowing that Danny is really the only person who reads this on a regular basis. Hi Dan.
Anyway, the reason i am posting this is because i need some feedback. Not just on grammar and structure, but on the overall feeling that you get from reading it. Is it believable? Is it too forward or arrogant? Too cheesy? Maybe even a little too awesome? I am pretty satisfied with the finished product but need it to be near perfect in order to overcome my poor GPA. Let me know if i should make any changes. Thanks. Here it is...
If the aim of the Professional Education Unit of SUNY New Paltz is to “prepare caring and critical professionals for a diverse society”, I believe I have an advantage over other students. I have already gone through the rigors of the undergraduate program and I have gained intangible experience through my adult life. I already consider myself to be a caring and critical person, fully appreciative of our diverse society. What I desire and require from the New Paltz School of Education is the knowledge and qualifications to become a professional English teacher.
To me, being an educator is not just a job. It is a responsibility and an opportunity to be a positive influence in the lives of a younger generation. I would not only teach the importance of language, grammar and literature, but also connect these matters to the more important aspects of our lives. Teaching the importance of these disciplines does not just enhance the child’s life, but helps to further our community and society as a whole.
I want to be an advocate for the younger generations. Their creativity, social awareness, and technological savvy are severely underappreciated. Instead, children are considered spoiled by the social and technological advancements that past generations have worked so hard to allow them to have. They are becoming jaded by war, divorce, politics, and corporatization and I want to change that. I want to give young people the know-how and the elbow grease to go confidently into the “real world” and believe that they can make a real difference.
I am also interested in becoming involved in high school sports programs. Organized sports were a crucial part of my development and I believe that they can play an important role in the lives of young men and women. When managed properly, sports can promote health and physical fitness, teamwork, responsibility, leadership, and time management in a fun and social environment. These activities also give young people something positive to do with their time after school that might otherwise be spent getting into trouble.
The only factor that may be holding me back from acceptance into the Secondary Education program is my questionable grade point average. Unfortunately, I was more dedicated to socializing than to my education during my first year at SUNY New Paltz and this is apparent in my cumulative GPA. I am now a dedicated and focused student and this is evident in the grades I have received since returning to school.
During the last year and a half I have been working in the children’s program at the Mohonk Mountain House. I find working with children to be both fun and rewarding. My genuine and passionate personality and sense of humor help me connect with young people and I sincerely hope to be a positive influence in their lives. I would take such pleasure in helping just one child to succeed. The positive ripple effect that this child may have on the rest of our world would be enough to make me feel like I have done some good in the universe. Of course, my ultimate goal is to be able to help not one, but many students throughout my career. First, I need the knowledge and training that the SUNY New Paltz Secondary Education Program has to offer.
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4 comments:
Devo.
Love the photo choice, Mr. Belding's "cooler" brother, right? Careful, if I am not mistaken, he turned out to be a real shitface by the end of the episode....
your essay sounds great to me! I esp. like the emphasis that you place on the kids.. i think that it so important. How they are underappreciated and their skills and talents overlooked..very thoughtful. in the third paragraph you say that you are preparing them to enter into the "real world"--when you place importance on their knowledge of technology and social awareness you are kind of saying then that they are already part of the "real world"--basically what I am trying to say is to rethink that part and perhaps use it as an opportunity to state how you see them as active , important members of our society, of the real world... am I making sense? i hope so.
I love, LOVE (and I am going back to the second paragraph here) how you place importance on the ELA skills in the second paragraph. So often we hear education spoken of from the Math and Science perspective, especially from our awesome and not so awesome hopefuls. I think that highlighting the advantages of successful reading and writing skills is key, especially since that is the field you are looking to study further. No success can come from a learner who cannot communicate, socially or academically--nice touch.
You are so marketable as a coach, just so you know. The part where you mention after school activities as an outlet for students who might be involved in less desirable activities after school demonstrates again that you are putting the students first and are not primarily concerned with your own professional status ( grown-upedness). Adding something here about differentiation in the classroom might be good i.e. getting to know students' outside of the academic life of the school to better serve them in the classroom, develop lessons and activities that allow them to build on their strengths and attach it to the content you are covering in class-- a suggestion.
and don't forget--the alternatives to ritalin!
don't be afraid to be too awesome, you can't help it-its just who you are.
sounds good bud. You are so in there.
love ya!
l.hall
-click- Two Kings...
Hey Kage, I just wanted to say I love you. And also, while the tenacious D reference is hilarious, it may be, well, too awesome.
Also, In the first paragraph, an advantage you have over other students is not that you "have gained intangible experience through [your] young adult life", but through your ADULT life. But that's only if you're making the case that you're a better candidate in part because of your age, and I could be reading it wrong.
If I could have a quantum leap wish, I'd be a kid Mr. Deery's class.
Or maybe I'd be Hemingway and hang out in Barcelona for a few days. I don't know, I gotta think about that one...
you guys's points is duly noted. thanks you so much. that kinda stuff is exactly what im lookin for. When you spend a prolonged period of time with something it tends to become simultaneously perfect and worthless. your views and opinions are held in the highest regard and are among the few that i value.
nice essay. I like the part about opening yourself up to work with the athletics department. A lot of schools like to know they have options of someone who could be a coach.
best of luck with everything.
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